My whole life I have grown up going to Church, school at St. Catherine, and am now entering my junior year at St. Mary’s Dominican High School. Up until March 2020, I went to Mass, Reconciliation, CYO, and Adoration because I was supposed to. Sadly, I was so worried about what others thought of me that I was even embarrassed to pray out loud in class. After my eighth-grade year I stopped going to CYO because “I did not get anything out of it.” But really, I did not want to get anything out of it. I just wanted to have a high school experience where my faith would not get in the way of the things I wanted to do.
By this time, I had gotten myself into a bad place and I had all the wrong ideals to live my life by. I was constantly thinking, “What will people think?” or “Will people think I am weird?” Freshman year was the darkest year of my life. I had begun to struggle with bad anxiety that caused me to miss school and I lost many friends. During this time, I was constantly worried about my friends, my reputation, my dance team, and the emotions I had that were overtaking me. I started to resent God because I did not understand how everything in my life was going wrong.
About 4 months later, Covid struck, and it felt like the world was ending. At first, I felt so alone, and everything was so uncertain for everyone. But while still quarantined in April, God entered my life. Sitting on the floor of my room I read on my computer, “The God of a trillion stars knows my name, and He has a destiny for me.” Those sixteen words changed my life forever because I realized that every single second in my life was a part of a divine plan from God.
Almost immediately, I devoted the next two months of quarantine to Him. I started reading my Bible, praying, and watching St. Catherine Mass almost every day. In the most uncertain time of my life, His presence was so certain. It was in my desperation that God performed a miracle that I may truly know Him. Now that I had God by my side, I had finally let go of the loneliness that had been gripping me for all that year. But once quarantine ended, it was up to me to use God in my life.
In August, I decided to join the CYO leadership team and was blessed with getting to talk to Fr. Andrew and Mrs. Meagan Barras about the journey God had led me through those few months. I can genuinely say that this past year, CYO has changed my life. I love that on Wednesdays, I can gather with so many teens my age with awesome mentors who love Jesus as much as I do. Through CYO, I have truly encountered God through Bible studies, retreats, talks, games, and most importantly adoration. It has been through those hours of adoration that I have experienced the true power and beauty of the Eucharist. One of my favorite memories from this past year was sitting in Adoration in silence praying for guidance in my life. As I sat there, I kept hearing the word surrender repeatedly in my mind. Looking up to Jesus on the cross, I finally broke down and surrendered all of my anxiety, problems, and worries to Him. Since that moment, I have finally understood the infinite love from Jesus that He gives to us every day.
During the school year, I decided to go to adoration every Wednesday and Mass every Thursday morning at Dominican. It was those two hours every week that inspired me to not hide my faith as I saw the other girls my age around me devoting their time to Jesus. At the Sophomore retreat this past April, I realized that God was calling me to become a Student Preacher for Dominican.
Applying for this position was one of the scariest things I have ever done. Was I ready to display my faith to the entire school? After many hours in adoration and prayer, I had to decide if I cared more about what others thought about me or what God thought of me. Of course, I chose God and got the position along with some of the greatest girls I have ever met!
Once the school year ended, I had to make sure I made time for God so I started going to adoration almost every day. Mid-way through June, I heard about the TEC retreat in Rosaryville. TEC was the most amazing, God-filled experience of my life. I got to spend a weekend with fifty-two inspiring and loving people who taught me the importance of faith and a relationship with God. It was at this retreat where my friend gave a talk on the Eucharist and opened my eyes to the reality of our relationship with Jesus. She said that on the altar during the Consecration, Heaven and Earth truly meet. When this happens, Jesus becomes literally present in a tiny piece of bread which we consume. It is truly unbelievable that every Mass, we become closer to Heaven by believing that we have literally eaten Jesus’ body like He intended for us all along. Two years ago, I never thought that I would ever enjoy going to Mass, but I am so much happier with my relationship with Jesus. With Jesus in mind, I know I am ready to grow my relationship with Him and I cannot wait to see what He does in my life!