NOVEMBER 2022

     Before Trip and I had even thought about having kids, my doctor suggested getting bloodwork done to rule out any infertility issues. I thought this was a wonderful idea because, being Type A, I love a plan. Several days later, I received a message from my doctor that my bloodwork came back abnormal. She stated I had several indicators of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and she was referring me to a fertility specialist. What?? A fertility doctor? I immediately reached out to Fr. Tim as my "Catholic conscience" started to spiral out of control. What if we can't get pregnant naturally? I know the Church's teachings on IVF, so what would happen if it came to that? Fr. Tim met us with open arms. He graciously addressed our concerns, gave us a better idea of what was “in bounds” regarding the Church's stance on fertility treatments and guided us on how to start navigating this journey.
     
     Not feeling quite ready to have a baby (because who really is?), we felt pressure to start because who knew how long it would take for me to get pregnant. We decided it was best to make an appointment with the fertility doctor. Further testing confirmed that I did have PCOS and our first round of fertility medications were recommended. I remember feeling panicked. Naïvely, I just knew the medication was going to be a guaranteed pregnancy and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for the lifestyle changes that comes with a baby. We did our first round of fertility medications and I did not get pregnant. Trip and I decided to put fertility treatments on hold. Before you knew it, a year had gone by without getting pregnant, so we decided to make another appointment. Round two of fertility drugs and I got pregnant! I was overcome with a wave of emotions: excited, disbelief, fear. Of all the emotions, I remember feeling very anxious and just couldn’t put my finger on the uneasiness. Those first 8 weeks seemed like an eternity. Finally, the day arrived for us to go in for our first ultrasound. We excitedly showed up to our appointment and were unsuspectingly met with words that every expectant parents dread to hear: We can’t find a heartbeat. You aren’t measuring appropriately. Wait, what do you mean there isn’t a heartbeat? Why can’t you find one? What does that mean? We had to go in for monitoring every two days that next week to confirm there was in fact no heartbeat. For me, those repeat ultrasounds to verify there was no fetal activity was one of the hardest parts of the whole miscarriage experience. It was like having your heart ripped out over and over again.

     After the miscarriage, Trip was ready for round three of fertility treatment. I wasn’t sure that I was ready, because quite honestly, I felt like I needed more time to grieve. I went along with it because I knew how badly he was ready to start a family. We did our third round of fertility medication and I did not get pregnant. Of course my husband was disappointed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved because I knew my heart just wasn’t ready. (I truly believe God knew that too).

     “Our” plan was to take the next month off-we planned a trip to Amelia Island in Florida just to get away. God, however, had a different plan. I ended up getting pregnant naturally that month off. Our fertility doctor told me that I had an 8% chance of conceiving on my own, but God’s love knows no boundaries. For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37)! When I got pregnant the first time I remember how anxious I felt. This time was a vastly different experience. I felt a calmness surrounding me. I could feel God’s protection around me. I had a sense of peace that I just couldn’t explain. Not to mention this was in a time of great uncertainty: we were one month into the Covid-19 pandemic, a scary time to be pregnant, but I knew that not only was God looking out for us, but our angel baby was watching over us too.

     In November of 2020, we had our first girl, Amelia Anne. Our rainbow baby!! We were overjoyed. Our hearts were so full. Since Trip and I are both only children, we had talked about wanting a bigger family but we hadn’t even thought about what that timeline would look like. And then, Surprise! 7 months later I was pregnant again! No way?? Me? Who only had an 8% chance of getting pregnant, was pregnant again!? We couldn’t believe it. And in March 2022, we had our second love, Macy Mae. Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her! (Luke 1:45).

     When Fr. Andrew asked us to share our story, my immediate reaction was “Absolutely!” I absolutely wanted to be a glimmer of hope to those out there who are trying to start or grow their family but have been met with the roadblock of infertility. It is a hard, lonely road to travel on. But, please remember you are not alone. God is always with you, even in those darkest times and He has a plan. I know it is so hard to see that when you are in the weeds of infertility. Believe me, I have been there. When pregnancy announcements are coming from every which way but your own, it is gut wrenching. I urge you to reach out to Fr. Tim or Fr. Andrew (or even us!). Ask them to join their prayers with yours. And most importantly, never give up on your faith, because you never know what God has in store for you. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer. 29:11